JohnAdamsUncensored

I am John Adams and you have entered my Blog. I decided to start blogging from the grave due to the preponderance of mistruths and inaccuracies that have spread across the people by virtue of biographical books and television series. It appears that a host of lecherous pundits and writers have jumped on the John Adams bandwagon. Even in the grave, these hangers-on are annoying and aggravating. So, good people, I have decided to enter the Blogesphere, as i believe it is called, not to correct the inaccuracies of what has been written about me, but to comment on what is happening now. My goal is to answer the question: "what would John Adams say about that?" I trust a colonial perspective, steeped in common sense and patriotism, will prove interesting and helpful to those living now. Your comments and responses are welcome, however, please remeber that i am dead and will not be able to respond to all items immediately or ever or while you are on the other side.

Apr 1, 2008 4:52pm

What would I say?

So, here we go. I have been watching with interest as the good people of the United States and the Aliens abroad have been conducting themselves of late. Allow me to comment on a few of the items that have been troubling me in the Netherworld.

President George W. Bush. What would John Adams say to you?

Where do i start? First of all, get the kids out of the desert. Let the people of the desert deal with the people of the dessert. If they come out of the desert to do harm to Americans, then send them to see me. No need to go there and get them. Let them get themselves rather than our brave young boys.

Second, stop pushing oil like crack. Oil is not crack, it’s the remains of dead dinosaurs. Do you think there are dinosaurs out there making more? I can tell you they are all here and they ain’t making no f——g oil. Put all the money you are blowing on bombs and human decoys and invest it in alternate energy.
Third, focus on the economy. That’s the most important weapon you have. Those ingenious asians are going to eat our lunch if we don’t stop trying to repair or blow up every body elses houses on the planet. So George, pimp your economy. A friend said a penny in times saves nine. He was a cheap son of a b—-h but he had a point. Stop writing checks you can’t cash.

Senator Hillary Clinton- What would John Adams say about you?

First, I applaude your suffragette movement. A female President would have it’s advantages: there would be fewer wars, less filandering in the White House and we wouldn’t have to pay her as much. The downside would be having a woman that has shared a bed with a pathalogical liar for over 25 years. As Abigail has said more than once- “if you lay down with dogs, you’ll catch fleas.” Do we want a President with fleas? Luckily she’s post-menapause so we don’t have to worry about her pushing the red button on a monthly basis.

Senator Barach Obama- What would John Adams say about you?

Back when I lived it would not have been feasible for an African to be considered for President even if his mother was Dolly Madison. You have come a long way America. I’m proud that skin color has faded as a criterion for judging people. I have always held that a white slave could be every bit as good as a black slave.
As for Senator Obama, it seems that while he has no management experience or experience of any kind, he is dynamic and charismatic. He reminds me a bit of John Hancock who had little or no real talent for management but could charm the panties off a Puritan. Does he have the skills and demeanor to be a good President? Probably not but we can pay him less too.

Senator John McCain- What would John Adams say to you?

I have the utmost respect for patriots such as yourself. you ate cold rat and warm rice for your country, no matter if the war was ritious or even legal. Your reference to a 100 year war with the Muslims is not productive since you only have about 6 or 7 years left- tops. Why not talk about a 100 day war and stop the flow of American blood. You can still drink the blood of the Iragi and Afghani men, woman and children. And, kill the beavis and butthead laugh, it’s creepy.

Ex-Governor Elliot Spitzer- What would John Adams say to you?

Simple, if you have to pay for it, you probably can’t afford it. A friend of mine who slept just about everywhere, initials GW, once told me- “if you’re going to stick your d—k in the knot hole of a rotting cherry tree, make sure it isn’t full of bees.”